I've Got Soul But I'm Not a Soulja
And I can't believe we're getting there. After wanting it for so long and after feeling as if it took forever.. we're getting there.. but it doesn't feel like it. And all it is, is like a fleeting dreaming that is about to pass me by once more.. but I won't let it. Uncertainty may try to overtake, but I won't let it. It cannot pass me by. And fear cannot win this time. Life is too short to let it. It may be fleeting and dream-like, but I can no longer afford to let it pass me by once more.. not after I've learned.. because living is all it takes to turn dreams into realities. And we're almost there.. we're getting there.. it's at the tip of our fingers...
I'll be having one of my last two final examinations tomorrow, and Saturday will officially be the last day of being inside a regular College classroom for Rationalizations. And it all just seems oh so surreal. But who's complaining?! Hahaha.. Let's just all be happy and go sing songs.. "When there's nowhere else to run, is there room for one more son? One more son? If you can hold on.. if you can hold on.. I WANNA STAND UP, I WANNA LET GO. You know, you know -no you don't, you don't know. I WANNA SHINE ON THE HEARTS OF MEN. I WANT A MEANING FROM THE BACK OF MY BROKEN HAND. Another head aches, another heart break. I AM SO MUCH OLDER THAN I CAN TAKE. And my affection, well it comes and goes. I NEED DIRECTION TO PEFECTION! (No no no) HELP ME OUT. Yeah, you know you got to help me out. Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner. You know you got to help me out.... I GOT SOUL, But i'm not a soldier!"
See you when i see you.
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Hello dear Stress!
There's too much to do, there's too little time. There's too much to do, there's too little time. There's too much to do.... In the very words of a pessimist, here I am again. I'm complaining and complaining and worrying, and nothing seems to be getting done. Worry has turned into a drug-like substance now. It's addictive. It keeps me non-functional. It injects thoughts into my mind. My physical self is clammy, crammy, and palpatating at whole different levels. And I'm hooked... and I can't get it out of my system.
I think I'm going crazy. I wish I just went to that friggin' house party last Saturday and gobbled up the booze through that bong, instead of punishing myself in solitary. =( Augh. The stress!!!
A few weeks more.. a few weeks more.. a few weeks more..
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Of Comparison to the Uncomparible
They say that if you're really wanted, they keep on coming back to you. But I'm not bigheaded, and so I don't assume anything, in fact, I don't even care at all (well, maybe just a little). And so I guess that we all just have to understand these kinds of things... If the theory's right, people chase after what's convenient, simple and whatever is offering itself for the taking. But here's the catch, these things may be cheap and easy but quality usually always is compromised. Haha. And not speaking out of arrogance or haughtiness, but darling there's just no comparison. The saying goes that if you can't take the heat, don't play with fire... but they also say that silent waters run deep.. careful careful, you never know when a storm might come your way. *smiles* =)
You know you love me. XOXO. (Hahaha! Note: This is not an excerpt from Gossip Girl!)
P.S. Thank goodness I have an actual life and priorities to pour all my worries on. Petty little things should not distract me right now. A few more weeks left.. a few more weeks left.
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It's Dry
My friend, Ria, and I were talking..
"When it rains, it pours.. but when it's dry, it's REALLY DRY!"
Hahahaha.. It's good insight though.
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Young Folks
Because I'm feeling YOUNG, though not in a stupid-little-girl (aherm! haha) kind of way.. but the type of youthful feeling that makes you want to go on a living spree and scream, "Carpe Diem!".. Please forgive me for playing the song over and over again, and having the nerve to sing along...
If I told you things I did before told you how i used to be.. would you go along with someone like me? If you knew my story word for word, had all of my history.. would you go along with someone like me? I did before and had my share. It didn't lead nowhere. I would go along with someone like you. It doesn't matter what you did, who you were hanging with, we could stick around and see this night through. And we don't care about the young folks. Talkin' 'bout the young style. And we don't care about the old folks. Talkin' 'bout the old style too. And we don't care about our own folks. Talkin' 'bout our own style. All we care about is talking, talking only me and you.. Usually when things has gone this far, people tend to disappear. No one would surprise me unless you do. I can tell there's something goin' on. Hours seem to disapper. Everyone is leaving.. I'm still with you. It doesn't matter what we do, where we are going to. We can stick around and see this night through.... Talking only me and you. Talking only me and you.
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Tsk Tsk. Kids These Days.
It's funny, but I seriously don't know what's wrong with society today and these silly little kids.. tsk. tsk. And people ask how girls like Britney Spears and Jaime Lynn Spears get so messed up.. hahaha.. the answer's because these SILLY LITTLE GIRLS have never learned how to GROW UP and they get stuck in their neurotic little worlds of ditz and hollow space. Hahahahaha... and I just laugh.
And oh, I don't want to be hypocritical. I also pretty much act like a silly little kid when i'm in the mood for it, but thank goodness I've gotten through that phase... (and, tsktsk.. it has never been and will never be MY STYLE). Hahahaha. Allow me to be a bigger and more mature person now and to just LAUGH about it. Hahaha..
And talking about little kids.. I'm glad this other group of kids (photos below) grew up though.. It pretty much means we're NORMAL. And it is such a relief to find out that we're not stuck in that whole messed up rotten world that some people are actually still in. Whew.
 
It's amusing how I've learned to adopt this new past-time and form of amusement now. It's hilarious. Really hilarious.
P.S. Pril, now I can relate to all those things you've been telling me about this whooole time. You should tell these kids to act a little more subtly because it's becoming a little embarrassing.
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Cheers to What Has Been and to What Is Yet To Come
For the new year last night, at exactly midnight.. I was in the bathroom, sick and ready to puke. That may sound awful, but everything that happened before and after midnight during the holidays was anything but awful.. in fact, it was great. And this year's holiday season is probably one of the best and most memorable that i've had so far.
Let's just say that I have a lot to be thankful about for the year that has passed. After all, aside from how i've progessed and learned so much in the past twelve months, I also got everything that I wished for this Christmas (and mind you, only one of them was material). Spending time with the family, above anything else, is also one of the best things that I got to do for the holidays. My brother Jay was able to join us for probably the longest time in about three years (three days?). He also brought home my new Macbook, which just makes everything seem much better... And coming to terms with something and learning to accept it as it is allows the chance for moving on (Actually, I COULD be a jealous and angry little person and create a whole big deal about it, but I guess I've become bigger and better than all of that...).
And the most important lesson learned for the holidays? It truly is the simple pleasures in life that make it worth living. There were two very silent nights in Davao during the holidays... and in those two nights, and for everything (whether loud, crazy, funny and friggin' creepy) that has happened in between... I couldn't have asked for a better break from all the stress and pressure.
Now tomorrow, I'll be going back to the sad reality of duties, anxiety, seminar planning.. and all those f*cking stuff that a person graduating in two months should endure. Hahaha.. But whatever. I'm feeling optimistic about 2008.. after all, this should be my year.. the year i graduate, the year i'll take the nursing licensure exams, the year i start to find work for the first time.. etc.. etc.. and I'm feeling optimistic and I only hope for the best, after all, the new year.. the chance for a new beginning, they're kind. It has been great year, and now it's time to say goodbye to what has been and move forward to bigger and brighter things. Bye bye 2007, and hello 2008!!! Cheers! XOXO
http://www.hunnyyy.multiply.com = click for Holiday Photos
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Like Being in Limbo for Christmas but Grateful Anyway
Because by nature, I am a worrier, and I admit that that is one of my greatest flaws.. I cannot help but over-analyze, even if I try my hardest to stop thinking about it so much. But like I said, I am flawed, and it's my weakness and I think and I think and I think and I think about it too much... If you must know, I put 90 percent of my trust to my sixth sense.. nope, not the sixth sense that allows me to talk to dead people or see ghostly figures.. but the sixth sense that allows me to sense what other people may try to hide but are actually feeling or thinking at the moment and that power to have that sinking-gut-feeling when something is about to go wrong... or right.. (and believe me, for the past twenty years, it has rarely failed me) But between over-analyzing and having that sinking-gut-feeling, somehow, I felt that I knew what you were feeling then, because maybe the exact same things were running through my mind the whooole time. Like 7 minutes in limbo instead of 7 minutes in heaven (sorry I stole your idea pril). You were probably confused and tortured... just like me, and oh.. we know it's not the best feeling in the world. But it beats not having the opportunity of your company at all, doesn't it? Haha. I contradict myself. I knew I shouldn't let my over-analyzing get in the way.. that's it.. I'll probably jinx it now, and nothing will probably progress out of this story anymore. =) Oh well... And like what I told my closest friend, "no, no, don't assess.. let's not assess. it's nothing. He was just being really nice because that's how he is by nature, he really is just a nice guy".. Hahaha. And you know what she told me? "Good girl." I know I am. And believe me, I do not assume anything and I do not have any other agenda. =) But just so you know.. think about it.. 7 Minutes in Limbo... But let us not have all this get in the way of the yuletide season.. after all, 'tis the season to be JOLLY.. falalalala.. lalalala.. And I do have a lot to be grateful about this year, and I cannot wait for another colorful year to start. The journey has been great.. and knowing you has truly been one of the highest of highlights. This entry would also be a remaining proof of how much I have grown and matured this year, because for all we know, this isn't the "old Jasmine" talking and torturing herself.. this is someone who talks in a more positive point of view. Andt indeed, it has been a MERRY CHRISTMAS.. and the season's not over yet.. and more is yet to come.. =) And yes, let's not get my weakness in over-analyzing things get in the way... MERRY CHRISTMAS and Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR Everyone! =) XOXO |
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Decisions Decisions..
I need to make a decision.. fast.. and I'm having such a hard time, and so, I need your help people. If you were to decide which laptop to buy, what would you choose? An Apple Macbook with 13.3" Display in White, or a Sony VAIO Laptop with Intel Centrino Duo in Silver (better if I get it in White). Both go for the price of around $1,099.00 plus tax. I really do have to make a quick decision so my brother could buy one of these for me on time by Christmas when he flies to San Francisco. I honestly think that the VAIO's the practical buy here, as it does show more features, especially when we talk about the hardware and hard drive spects of the computer, but since I'm aboujt to let go of my slow but good ol' G3 iBook.. I'm really going to have a hard time when it comes to missing the use of a sturdy and oh so suave Apple. So I need help here people.. please do drop me your opinion on this. Because I have to make a decision in like.. a DAY!!! |
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